New Year's Resolutions

Happy 2009!

What is it about counting down from December 31st to January 1st that so thrills us? Why is it that every year people are united by the hope of a new beginning? As a child time seems so much more stretched out than as an adult, doesn't it? Your 24-hour birthday lasts an eternity, counting down to Christmas is a real game of patience, and you never think to yourself "where did the time go?"

But as adults, we're constantly stressing, wishing for more hours in the day, inevitably let down by the way birthday and holiday thrills diminish with each passing year. Even as a woman in her early twenties, this feeling nags at me. Nonetheless, we all make New Year's Resolutions, as if every time that magic second hand jumps to 00:00:01 all of our past year's sins are forgiven and the slate truly is clean. We become enamored by the possibility - the hope - that we can leave behind the debris that clutter our past and drink a toast to the unwritten future.

Every year my gigantic family writes down these resolutions and recounts them at 11:30 pm on December 31st. I'm proud to report that I kept all of mine this year!

My 2008 Resolutions were:

1. Stop educating my younger brother (in the bossy, not institutional sense)
2. Cook more frequently
3. Have more confidence in myself
4. Find a summer internship

My 2009 Resolutions are:

1. Seek validation and respect within myself and not in others' opinions of me or actions toward me.
2. Be fiscally cautious but emotionally generous when merging lives with Marco this year.
3. Try not to feel responsibility for everything, especially others' emotions and life paths.
   
4. Invest more energy in maintaining my body and my health in a stable and sane way.
5. Forgive

Below is a photo Raf sent me last year after he and Ingrid had become engaged and he hadn't spoken to me in a very long time. There was no message. Just the flower, repentant and peaceful. Maybe this year I, too, will bow my head to forgiveness and resign myself to the loneliness of knowing that Raf will never be my friend again. Then again, maybe I won't.


Here's a toast to all of my wonderful blog readers of 2008. I humbly look forward to your continued readership in 2009.

Cheers!